After 31 years of parenting, we are finally empty-nesters. It's hard to believe, but we no longer have any "children" living in our home. As we transition into this new phase, a mix of emotions accompanies us – excitement for the newfound freedom, nostalgia for the vibrant, noisy household days, and even a bit of relief that we've made it this far.

I’ve worked with hundreds of church leaders around north America. I’ve met with leaders of churches in decline, and leaders of churches that have grown into the thousands in just a few short years. One thing I’ve noticed—the best leaders continually decide to give up stuff they love in order to release the church for growth. It’s not a “once and for all” decision. You have to decide this again and again, week after week, year after year.

You've all met the fool. They may be fun to work with at times, but ultimately they suck the life out of the team because of the way they respond to feedback. When a fool runs an organization, people just stop trying to offer feedback, as they know it's futile. 

What follows is a letter I wrote in June 2012 to some close friends. We were vacationing with my parents, brother, sister and their families in northern Michigan. I haven't shared this with anyone else until now. I'm posting it here to help during ALS Awareness Month. For context, my brother-in-law, Patrick McGoldrick, had been diagnosed with ALS about 8-months previous to this family vacation. My prayers are with anyone facing this horrible disease in their family.

If you are a in the middle of leading through a crisis, I am so sorry. You didn't ask for it. You didn't cause it. You didn't sign up for this part of leadership. You have some tough days ahead of you. It's going to be harder and last longer than you can imagine. The damage is going to be worse than you think and the sleepless nights are going to be numerous.

Teachers are amazing. They work long hours for low pay (one in five have second jobs to make ends meet) and little recognition in a room of humans that often mistreat and verbally abuse them. They may not see a pay-off for their work with some kids until many years later, if ever, yet they keep coming back to work day after day.

Throughout my career for the past (nearly) four decades, I have worked on many teams. Some as small as two (right now!) and some as large as 500. Whatever size the team, whether a church staff or business environment, I believe there are several characteristics that help you stand out and get noticed by the leadership.

I’m convinced that it is better to have a leadership culture than a leadership development strategy. I’m not saying a strategy or training plan or process is bad. I just think a leadership culture is better.

Finding a new team member to join your ranks can be an exciting time for any organization. Yet, it's a process fraught with potential pitfalls that, if overlooked, can lead to less-than-ideal outcomes. I've hired hundreds of people and have learned these lessons from my own successes and failures when expanding my team.

In our work lives, many times we blame a human for something that needs a system. We run into the same frustration again and again, and we think it is a "who" problem rather something that could be solved with a system.