It’s Official: Our Empty Nest Season Has Begun
Thousand Word Images by Dustin Abbott
For the first 3 years of our marriage, our nest was empty. For the past 26 years, 4 months and 19 days, we’ve been in full-on parenting mode. That all ended last Thursday when we dropped our youngest off for college.
Every time I say that we are now empty nesters, someone tells me in their best Eeyore voice, “They’ll come back. My 35-year old still lives at home.” Maybe. But the first three haven’t come back except for short stints during transitions. I think this might be it.
And this type of shift tends to make (even me) reflective. I spent some time today looking through old pictures. So many moments. So many memories.
When you are in the daily grind of parenting, you can’t wait for this day. During the baby and toddler years when you fall into bed exhausted only to be awakened a couple hours later, you can’t imagine life without someone so needy being so close. When you are struggling to pay the bills and come up with the money for one more school event or one more camp experience or one more doctor bill, you can’t picture a time when it will end. When you are arguing with a teen who thinks he’s smarter than you, and his sass is as thick as his head and your mental energy is spent, you can’t imagine this day.
My reflections have me grateful for many things. I’m glad we prioritized our marriage—through date nights, through an annual no-kids vacation, through investing in friendships with those in our same phase of life. I’m glad we put the kids in environments where our parenting burden was lifted—whether it was great schools, youth groups, summer camps, or in the homes of other families.
I’m glad I didn’t raise the kids alone. I know some people get forced into single parenting and have an entirely different experience than me. I married the love of my life and it turned out that she was also one of the greatest moms ever invented. I thank God every day for her love and partnership.
Although I’m reflective, I’m also very excited for this season. I’m excited for silly reasons (like being able to simplify and throw some things away, or watch more Netflix, or being able to keep my garage clean). But I’m also excited to engage in my marriage with less distraction and more focused energy.
Faith and I signed up for “enneagram marriage coaching” that starts this week. We want to invest in our marriage and into each other as we start this journey together. We don’t know what we don’t know, so we want to dive into this season with passion and intentionality.
Some of you are ahead of me – what counsel would you offer to us as we begin our Empty Nest years?