Unintentional Gender Bias: The Things Male Church Leaders Do To Limit the Opportunities of Women
Several years ago when I was helping churches fill vacant pastoral positions, I was working with a large church which was getting very close to making an offer to a guy I will call Sam. It was very important to them to know whether Sam was "egalitarian" or "complementarian" -- fancy church words that reflect what someone believes about the role of women in leadership roles. Here are my simple definitions:
As it relates to church leadership, a complementarian generally believes that men and women are equal in worth, but their roles are not the same--they are complementary. Some complementarians believe that women should not hold leadership roles over men, or should not teach, or should not hold pastor or elder positions.
An egalitarian also believes that men and women are equal in worth, but holds that there are no gender-based limitations on the roles of men and women. Women and men can equally hold roles as pastors, elders or teachers.
Sam refused to put himself in a box. He knew these terms were loaded. Instead, he said, "I can assure you I will champion the role of women in leadership at every level." And as I've watched him lead, he has done exactly that.
Why did he not want to commit to a label? Because, as Kadi Cole has explained in her fantastic book, Developing Female Leaders, those terms do not mean the same thing to everyone. She outlines seven different viewpoints that Christians have about the role of women at home, church and society.
The purpose of this article is not to argue the theological points of either position (that has been done ad nauseam, and we all know no argument on the internet has ever changed anyone's mind). Rather, I want to say...
We can all do better.
Guys -- there are things we do that makes it difficult for women to lead. It makes it difficult for them to breakthrough barriers to have more influence. By the things we say, the ways we act, or the policies we create, we relegate the women to the kids table. Or worse, to the kitchen. Most of us don't literally or intentionally do that--but sometimes our actions have this effect.
As I was working on this article, I asked some women whom I respect to tell me about some of their experiences.
I was asked to leave meetings so "the pastors could talk about ministry."
I was aware of salaries and knew that women were paid significantly less for the same exact role as a man.
I was given the title "director" while a guy on staff in the same role was called a "pastor." I functionally did more "pastor" things while he functionally had more administrative responsibilities.
One of my elders knew I was in seminary, and asked me, "Why in the world would a woman want an M Div?"
I worked in an egalitarian denomination, but couldn't get anyone to mentor me in teaching/preaching -- even though they all were doing so for other men.
I was introduced by an elder, "This is _______, she makes coffee for us on Sunday mornings" even though this elder knew that I led two large ministries and teams.
The guys often go out for lunch, coffee, or to hang out together. I've never been invited, and lose out on the opportunity to grow in unity with the rest of the leadership team.
I was told "our church responds better to a male worship leader."
When my male associates spoke strongly about an issue they believed in, it was called "confident" and "passionate." When I spoke up, it was called "emotional" or "overly assertive." I was asked to tone it down.
I've worked with churches on both extremes of the theological viewpoint on what roles women can hold in a church. This article is not to persuade you to change your biblical position. It is to encourage you to think about what you can personally do to take a step toward becoming a better champion of women, regardless of your theology.
Let's get real practical:
You have a policy that you won't meet one-on-one with a woman to protect your marriage and integrity. Okay, I get your reasoning--but that effectively keeps women from being able to advance in your organization. As a leader, you need to have one-on-ones with people who report to you -- and if you refuse to do this with women, you are telling every woman in your organization there is a ceiling they cannot move past. Solution? Meet in rooms with windows that have exposure to the rest of your office space. If you don't have any, spend some money to add some which will send an important message to the women on your team.
Look at your compensation packages across the board. Do you have women making less than men in the same role? If you are paying a woman less because her husband is the breadwinner and she doesn't need as much--there is a word for that. It is called discrimination. Your salaries should likely be confidential, but if exposed to the public, they should make sense. You might have variations for responsibility, education or experience--but you should not have discrepancies for gender or title (especially if your theology keeps women from having certain titles, even though they can carry the same responsibilities).
Consider where you have a "boys club" mentality. Often we don't have women at the table because we enjoy the camaraderie of the guys. Everything is easier. When we plan overnight retreats, it is easier. Our jokes and conversation can move into the "locker room" category and we don't have to worry about it. None of those are good reasons to keep women away from the table.
I've heard leaders say, "I take a guy with me every time I travel." I'm fine with accountability, but the shadow side of that decision is that the guys on your team can have extended conversations and connection with you, and the women are never given that opportunity. If you truly value women, then increase your budget so you can take two people with you and include a woman in the mix.
In most cases, women are the primary care takers of the family, especially children. If we truly value women on the team, we need to provide high flexibility for their schedules for school drop-off and pick-up, working from home when the kids are sick, etc. I talked to one woman who told me she was promoted to her lead team but could never make the meetings because they happen when she's taking the kids to school. Change your meeting rhythms to value the women on your team.
I have a deep foundational belief that if you don't have women leading, influencing, and speaking into the direction of your organization--you are not making the best decisions. Decades of studies show women leaders help increase productivity, enhance collaboration, inspire organizational dedication, and improve fairness. So examine every policy, practice and behavior to make sure you are not inadvertently keeping some of your best leaders out of the room or diminished in their ability to influence.